Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Day In The Life (Morning)

One of the questions I am most frequently asked is what my days look like as a mother to a large family. While we try and maintain a structured schedule with a general idea of what is supposed to happen there is no average day. Every day is different and nothing ever goes as planned. Some days  I don't get dressed. Some days a tantrum takes up so much time that we've missed a part of naptime. Some days I don't do any chores, where as some days I get a lot of chores done. It just depends on the day, what we have going on, and what type of mood everybody is. If I'm in a good mood, things tend to go good. If the kids are in a bad mood, things tend to go really bad. At the end of the day I look back and hope that a lot got accomplished, whether it be the grocery shopping or the laundry or reading with the kids, but if it didn't I'm usually okay with that. There is no such thing as a perfect day for my family. That comes with having a large family. And you know what, I do not care about smoothly run, scheduled days where I get everything done and time for myself as much as I care about Maya, Amari, Kenyan, Gianna, Ira, Arlet, Elaina, and Gabriella Kingston... oh, and that amazing, caring, helpful husband of mine, Wren.

Here is what my morning looked like today...

5:30am- My alarm goes off. Every night I go to bed and hope that my night of slumber will be peaceful and I won't be woken up by any of the children, but like every single night since I have become a mom I am woken up. Once, twice, maybe three times... if I'm lucky. Other times it is more like five times a night. I am so exhausted and ponder hitting snooze, but I know I have to get up. I have a lot to do and I need my day to run smoothly so it's up and moving for me. This morning I have scheduled (for only the first hour of my day!): a morning run with friends, a shower, and, hopefully, fifteen minutes to get dressed, do my hair, and put on makeup. If I'm lucky this will happen, if I'm not lucky I will have to resort to sweats, my hair in a ponytail, and no makeup.

6:30am- I am back from my run with friends. It was great; four miles in forty-five minutes. I've been running almost every morning for weeks now, while Wren is asleep and can stay home with the kids, and I love it. Running not only gives me a newfound energy, but an opportunity to get away from motherhood for an hour. It's just me, my friends, and our "Running Moms Club." Just as I had hoped I came home at 6:30am, showered until 6:15, and got dressed, did my hair, and did my makeup in forty-five minutes. By 7am I am ready to start my day!

7:00am- Wren is up and has started the coffee. The big kids (Maya, Amari, Kenyan, and Gianna) have their weekly school program today so I have to make lunches and get them ready for school. (As a homeschooling mom I feel so weird saying that!) I try to make healthy lunches that are also delicious and fun. But it gets tricky with four (mildly picky) kids. Maya and Kenyan do not like crust, Amari and Gianna do. Maya is allergic to strawberries. Kenyan loves vegetables, while the other kids prefer fruit. This all makes me wonder: have I turned into a short-order chef? I have decided on peanut butter and banana sandwiches in the shape of stars (no crust for Maya and Kenyan!), kiwis and grapes, carrot sticks, and a cheese stick. Oh, and lets not forget about a note for each of the kiddos.

7:15- I have fifteen minutes before the kids wakeup. I have a huge decision to make: I can either use the fifteen minutes of spare time to make the kids a delicious, healthy breakfast other than cereal OR I can use the fifteen minutes to catch up on my emails, call my sister, and drink my coffee in peace. Decisions, decisions, decisions. I feel like a contestant on Deal or No Deal deciding if he should accept the Banker's offer or keep playing the game to try and win the million dollar prize. I decide to surprise the kids and make them a different than usual breakfast. On weekdays we tend to have cold cereal, oatmeal, or yoghurt and granola, whereas on weekends we have eggs, pancakes, or waffles, but I feel like surprising my babies. So I whip up something quick that the kids will love: cheesy scrambled eggs, toast, and fruit salad.

7:30am- Alarms go off for the older kids and Wren goes into the little girls room to wake them up (Ira, Arlet, and Elaina), with the exception of Gabriella who is a newborn and sleeps until she wants. Everyone makes their way to the kitchen. I give each child a kiss and say good morning and then they each take a seat at the table. Some of them are cranky, others are pleasantly and excitedly surprised for the breakfast I made. We eat for fifteen minutes, all while doing morning scriptures. We have a few minutes leftover so Amari vividly tells the family about the dream he had the night before. "I was being chased by a monster but my pet monster came to save me so I got on his back and we ran away from the bad monster! It was awesome!" I love his imagination.

7:50am- Wren and I have less than an hour, fifty minutes to be exact, to get the older kids ready for school: dressed, teeth brushed, and hair done. I settle the little girls in their playpen with coloring books and crayons (and baby monitors!) so that Wren and I can divide and conquer the children. I take the girls, Wren takes the boys. He hates doing the girls hair, so I'm usually the one who ends up with the girls each morning. The clothes I picked out for the kids are in their bedrooms. Maya is wearing a purple shirt with a butterfly on the front and a striped purple skirt. Kenyan and Amari are matching in blue V-neck shirts and black shorts. Gianna is wearing a pink dress with yellow leggings. Then we do their hair: braided ponytail for Maya, a quick brushing for the boys, and a bun for Gianna. Their teeth get brushed. Shoes are on. I snap a quick picture because the kids look so cute and are all matching. Plus, I can't take the picture after they come home from school because their outfits will most likely be stained and the girls hair will not be as perfectly done as when they left in the morning. Soon it is...

8:45am- We're five minutes off schedule but it's only a two minute drive to school so that is okay. Usually we'll walk as a family to school and drop the kids off, but today the younger girls aren't even dressed yet and Gabriella is still sleeping (say what?). Today Wren will take the girls to school on his way to work. School starts promptly at 9am, though, and so does Wren's job so I kiss the kids and Wren and they are all quickly out the door. As soon as the door slams shut is when conflict begins. Ira starts crying for Wren. This makes Elaina upset, which makes Arlet upset, which wakes Gabriella up. Oh, how great. I run and pick Gabriella up who, thankfully, stops crying as soon as she feels my touch. We head into the playroom where the girls are and I sit down and comfort the three of them, reminding them, like always, that Daddy will be back. Ira is very attached to her father and, because of her experience in an orphanage in Ethiopia, has developed major attachment issues to both Wren and myself. If Wren isn't home she gets very upset. If I am not home she gets very upset. If both of us aren't home she gets EXTREMELY upset. But, Wren and I are committed to Ira and knew that adopting from Ethiopia would come with challenges. We love her and are here for her 100 percent.

9:00am- I get Ira, Arlet, Elaina, and Gabriella dressed for the day. This is way harder than dressing four kids for school because the girls cannot sit still for more than a minute and I have to keep all of them in one room with me while I dress them. This takes twenty to thirty minutes on a good day. Today is a good day, it takes me twenty-five minutes. Although during these twenty-five minutes I thought it was going to take an hour! Gabriella wouldn't stop crying, Arlet wanted to be held, Ira was climbing on top of me, and Elaina knocked over a basket of dirty clothes. I take what seemed like one hundred deep breaths before I'm finally done. Ira is in a yellow shirt with white polka dots and blue jean shorts. Arlet is dressed in a pink romper with flowers. Elaina is dressed in a pink dress with ruffles across the bottom. Gabriella is dressed in a purple onesie that says "I'm cute, aren't I?" Oh yes, baby girl, you are.

9:30am- We head outside to play while it is still nice outside. The forecast says it's going to rain so I want to get the girls outside to play and run around and lose some energy before naptime. If they don't do something to get their energy out each day than there is no hope that they'll fall asleep for nap. And trust me, I need them to take their daily naps. We sit in the front yard. I hold Gabriella who is dosing off between consciousness and sleep. Ira waters our flowers. Arlet and Elaina draw on the driveway with paint. A couple times some other neighborhood moms walk by and we get into talking. Really makes me appreciate living in such a family friendly neighborhood. At one point Ira falls and scrapes her knee and let me tell you my little drama queen acted AS IF IT WERE THE END OF THE WORLD. There was screaming and tears and panic over one little scrap with absolutely no blood. Once again this is over the conditions she lived in in Ethiopia and the constant fear of death my poor daughter had. Anyways, we all went inside, I cleaned it, put a Dora the Explorer sticker on it, and Ira was all better.

10:00am- The girls sit at the kitchen table and work on a jigsaw puzzle while I whip up their morning snack. A couple minutes later an argument abrupts between Ira and Elaina. There is yelling and crying between the two of them and even hitting. I do not tolerate any violence in my home so it was straight to timeout for the two of them. The rule in our house is a 5-minute automatic timeout with an additional 5-minutes if the child does not stop crying, throws a fit of any kind, is argumentative, etc. One of my daughters only had to stay in timeout for the required five minutes, the other had to stay in timeout for five additional minutes. This pushed snack back by five minutes but finally we all have snack together- apples and broccoli- with a lecture about why it is important to be nice to people, especially sisters, and to remember that, at the end of the day, all my children has is their siblings so it is important to nourish their bond and be caring towards each other. How do you translate that to a 3-year-old and 2-year-old? I tried my hardest and I think I got it right. Afterwords Ira walked up to Elaina and hugged her. Aw!

10:30am- Naptime for the girls. We complete our daily ritual of cleaning up snack time and playtime, go to the bathroom, and then I tuck each girl in for a nap. Hopefully they'll sleep the whole 120 minutes. I think so, they burned a lot of energy playing outside.  Once the girls are asleep I start my daily chores: laundry, dishes, etc. On today's list is laundry, breakfast dishes, vacuuming, and I have to make the grocery list for the upcoming week. I walk into the laundry room, which is also where the kids keep their school supplies (backpacks, lunch pales, etc.) and see Maya's fieldtrip permission form sitting there. Silly Maya, she forgot her form. Oh well, I guess she'll have to turn it in next week. Except, NO, it says right on the front that it is due today or else she cannot go on the field trip. What?! I call Wren and see if he can come home early so I can run by the school and drop the permission slip off. No, he is in a meeting. I call my next door neighbor, Mrs. Perkins. No, she's in Italy. Finally a lightbulb goes off in my head and I call the school to see if I can fax it to them. Perfect, I can. Problem solved. That was a complete waste of stress and madness for twenty minutes. I continue with chores.

11:30am- An alarm on my phone goes off. I quickly turn it off or else it will wakeup the girls and I do not want that to happen. I read the label on the alarm and it says "Mothers Retreat Conference Call." Oh shoot, I completely forgot. I run upstairs to my office but realize I forgot the baby monitor so I run back downstairs. Once I'm back in my office I shut the door and begin the call. It was very successful and we (the co-planners of this event and I) got a lot planned for our upcoming retreat.

12:15pm- Once I finish the call I look at the clock and realize the girls will be up in 15 minutes. Wow, I completely lost track of the time. I run downstairs to the kitchen and start lunch. Today's menu includes grilled cheese, grapes, and carrot sticks. In the middle of cooking the grilled cheese I burn one of the sandwiches. I'm surprised the fire alarms didn't go off! And as I am chopping the carrot sticks I realize none of the girls can eat hard carrots because of their baby teeth. I quickly change their vegetable from carrot sticks to tomato wedges. Lunch gets done cooking at exactly 12:30pm, which is right when the girls wakeup from their naps. Record time! I place everything on the table and here a door open, followed by footsteps and the word "Mommy, we're up."

It's only noon and my day is only half way done. Oh. My. Goodness.

Part 2 of Day In the Life is coming soon!

Thursday, July 4, 2013

10 Things I Want My Daughters to Know

Dearest Maya, Gianna, Ira, Arlet, Honor, Elaina, and Gabriella,
Being a mother is my most proudest title. With you and your brothers I feel complete and my best self. From the moment I knew of your existence I couldn't imagine my life without you. My girls. I knew what an honor and gift it would be to be your mother. But it is also scary and  quite a tedious job, because I want to make sure I am raising you to be proper, modest, kind, smart, poised girls. And so it has been my heart's desire to guard your heart, protect it, and cherish it during all my days of motherhood.

You all give me a role that I am so grateful for. But who I am and the fact that I am a wife and mother would not have been possible without one thing: the fact that I am a woman. Being a woman is incredible and an honor (I'd much rather be a girl than a boy any day!) but it can also be scary and confusing, especially in today's world. Society is telling you to act one way, when it is actually better to act another way. 

I have lived an incredible life, and in this life I have made incredible memories and also a whole bunch of mistakes, just like anyone. From those mistakes, though, have come life lessons and experiences that have made me the person I am today. I want you to know of them and how you should (try) and live your life so you will live your best life and be your best self. Because life is scary. But it's also wonderful. So wonderful that I want you to enjoy it.

And remember, I will always love you.

Love,

Mommy

P.S. Here are ten things I want you to know as you grow up. Things I wish I would of known as a child.

 
1. You are SO beautiful. Society is grooming children to feel like they need to look and act a certain way, but listen to your mother when I say this is not true. It does not matter what color your hair is, how tall you are, how much you weigh, etc., all that matters is that you are healthy and happy. Uniqueness is truly beautiful, and it is more appealing to stand out and not be stereo typical and the cookie cutter girl. Think about it this way: you are a rare gem in a sea of average diamonds and pearls. Cherish this.

2. Don't let anything stop you. This world is full of negativity, full of "do nots", and full of "no's." When you have a dream, chase it. When you want something, follow it. You will not always reach your goal or have everything you want, but at least you'll have memories and life experiences to learn from.

3. Girls are equal to boys. Take it from the person who was the only girl on her high school debate team. The only difference between girls and boys are our genders, and that shouldn't stop a girl from doing what a boy can do, or vice versa. Sure, maybe they're a little stronger, and maybe their voices are a bit deeper, but does that mean that you can't race a boy on your bicycle? Or win against a boy in basketball? No, it doesn't. Whatever your brothers can do, you can do.

4. Be creative. Nourish your individuality, personality, and interests. You are so unique that you should take charge of your opportunity to be different and rule the world with your beautiful, interesting, special personalities. And that is why your father and I are so keen on you girls participating in extracurriculars; because we know how unique you are and these activities only encourage and broaden your exposure to different areas of creativity. Art classes, music lessons, sport practices, and religion activities are a gift, trust me, and your exposure will follow you and be an important part of your life forever. When you feel like drawing, draw. When you feel like playing the piano, play. You are you- amazing, individuals, creative- and your father and I want you to be your best, most wonderful, unique selves.

5. Be proud of yourself. Take it from your mother, who has known you 100% of your life, you are incredible! There is nothing to be ashamed about being you. In your life you may face people who are negative and want to bring you down, whether it be because of your ethnicity or what you look like or other reasons, but you must not let them bother you. Do not take what they say to heart and only worry about what you think of yourself. There is NOTHING about you that you should be ashamed of; every detail, imperfection, and perfection about you is special and should be accepted because it makes you who you are. If you like writing stories, be proud. If you like playing with dolls, be proud. If you love math, be proud. As long as you are a nice, caring, rule-following person than you should not listen to the concerns of any other person and admire who you are.

6. Have a strong sense of self. Some might think this is the same as above, but to me it is different. Having a strong sense of self means being proud in your skin, but I want to touch deeper on this subject. The amazing thing about women is that we are all different, in looks and personality. Some girls and women have brown hair, others blonde, others red, etc. Some girls and women and short, others are tall. Some girls have pale skin, others dark, etc. But it is important not to pay attention and worry over your characteristics, as long as you are happy and healthy. Be proud of how you look and love your beauty just the same. Don't pay attention to the little imperfections about yourself or how others look because you are beautiful. 

7. Balance everything in your life. With life comes a lot of responsibilities and things to deal with, especially as you get older. Family, school, work, church, extracurriculars, and more are all things you will have to deal with during your years on earth. That is a lot to deal with and you might get stressed here or there but it is important to balance everything in your life so you get the most of your life and everything important to you. Never spend so much time with your friends that you are neglecting your family. Don't spend all your time focusing on a sport that you are neglecting your faith. Remember what is important to you and what isn't as important. If you are not happy, take a look at your priorities and shift them around. Balance is the key to an organized, structured life.

8. Inner beauty is more important than outer beauty. Society is starting to focus more on the outside than the inside, but trust me when I say that that isn't true. Beauty doesn't just come on the outside, it is also on the inside. Your kindness, your soul, and how caring you are far outshines how you look on the inside. Are you giving back to your community? Are you being nice to everyone? Are you modest? Are you making good choices? Those are the things you should be worrying about; not how your makeup looks or if you can fit into size 2 jeans. Think about this: in 50, 60 years are you going to be wondering whether you were popular as a child OR are you going to wonder whether you were nice and did your part in society? 

9. Be kind to others. I believe that if everyone could just be nice to each other than the world would be a better place. When there is negativity and rude, inconsiderate, hurtful behavior than tension and conflict arise and that is not good. A peaceful world is better than a problematic one, and the same goes for personalities: a peaceful personality is better than a problematic one. When you are kind to people, people are kind back. And even if they aren't, the feeling and satisfaction of being nice to someone is way more worth it. How does it feel when a mean person is rude? Not so nice, huh? So remember this: don't do the same to others. Be nice to strangers. Be nice to mean people you will encounter throughout your life. Be kind to your siblings. Be kind to everyone.

10. You will mess up; you will make mistakes; you are not perfect. Life is all about making mistakes and learning and growing. You will not always follow this list, you will not always make good choices, and you will not always make Mommy and Daddy happy. There will be tough times in your life and there will be smooth times in your life. You will have good days and bad days. Just make sure that you can look back on your bad experiences and know that you learned and gained something positive from them. You are not perfect, so neither will your life be perfect. I will always be your Mommy and I will always be here to help and support you. Don't ever doubt that. And remember, I will always love you.

I hope you look to this list as a reference as you grow up. You should feel as if it is an honor to grow up as a woman.

Friday, June 28, 2013

7 Quick Takes Friday (#3)

Wow, long time no blog. My intentions were certainly not to delay this blog, especially because I hate those blogs that are not maintained and publish posts like once every couple months, but life has been very busy in the Kingston household. With eight kids, eight and under, my days are so full that I can never find time to blog, let alone use the bathroom! But, honestly, I miss blogging. I know I only posted a couple of times, but I enjoyed being creative and writing about my family. So, i've decided that that blogging is going to be my "me" time from now on. A couple times a week i'm going to take some time, whether it's late at night or early in the morning or during quiet reading time for the kids, to blog. Wish me luck!

To resume blogging, I'm going to start with another edition of 7 Quick Takes...

 

1.  Maya is now onto her third pair of eye glasses in the last year. She's seven and I can understand that glasses are a new concept and responsibility for her, but seriously, three pairs of glasses? And glasses aren't cheap, either! The first time she left them on the floor and I stepped on them (ouch!). The second time she left them at the park and when we went back they were no longer there. So when we got her new glasses this week, Wren and I sat her down and explained to her how important it is to be responsible and treat her glasses like a prized possession. We gave her a list of rules and decided to do daily checks to make sure her glasses are either on her face or on her nightstand, do not touch the floor, and are not in reach of her younger siblings hands... or the dog's. Here's to hoping this new pair lasts!

2. This week Maya began piano lessons. Wren and I feel extra curriculars are an important part of our children's development. Only the four oldest are at an appropriate age to really benefit from extra curriculars; five being the magic age when the children can begin participating in out-of-home activities. Music is a different story, though, and all of the kids will wait until they are seven to begin playing an instrument. Well, Maya is now seven and she is absolutely thrilled to be playing the piano. For Wren and I it is necessary that our children receive exposure in all different areas of the arts, so each child is encouraged to participate in one art, one music, one sport, and one religion activity. It may seem like a lot, but we space it out throughout the year so that the kids are not overwhelmed. Plus, they enjoy every activity! We let them pick what they want to do as we know it is something they are interested in and will stick to. The four oldest are in soccer (during the spring), the boys are in year-round karate, the two oldest girls are in year-round ballet, all four are in art, and they all participate in Sunday School. We love our tiny little community that has so many extra curriculars for our kids!

3. Fourth of July is a few days away and we are busy preparing for the celebration. This is a huge holiday in our house. It is so important to honor the United States and for my kids to get an understanding of how lucky they are to live in such a great America. In the morning I serve a red, white, and blue breakfast. Red, white, and blue pancakes with red (strawberries), white (bananas), and blue (blueberries) fruit salad. After breakfast everyone, dressed in their red, white, and blue outfits, goes to the annual 4th of July parade in our town. It lasts for three hours and is fun, fun, fun. After the parade we go home and host a barbecue with all our family and friends. There's barbecue food, swimming, lots of laughter, and great memories! Around 9pm we head over to the park to watch the fireworks. When they are over we go home and go to bed. It will be a great day!

4. It has been so hot lately. Every year I look forward to summer because it means no school, but a couple weeks into summer I look forward to fall for the cool, crisp weather. Temperatures have been at an all-time high here where we live, with 100, 105, and 110 temperature days. Hot temperatures only means two things: a cranky mama and eight cranky kids. So we've been spending all our time, and by all our time I mean all our time, in the pool. We literally wakeup, eat breakfast, do chores, get in the pool, eat lunch, get in the pool, eat a snack, get in the pool, eat dinner, shower, go to bed, wakeup, and do it all over again. I'm not complaining, though, because the kids love the pool and are always happy when they are in it. It distracts them from the heat. Oh, the heat. Did I mention how hot it is? Oh, I did. Did I mention how much I can't wait for fall? Oh, I did.

5. Gabriella is nearly four months old and I cannot believe it. Where has the time gone? I know three months may not seem like much to some people, but to me, her mother, it is shocking that she is already through one-fourth of her first year of life. Gabriella is my best baby yet. She is so chill and mellow, sleeping through the night (already!) and only crying when she needs her diaper changed. Gabriella loves her siblings and gets the biggest smile on her face when she see's them. She eats like a professional eater and already weighs 16 pounds. I cannot believe Gabriella is my daughter, I feel so lucky!

6. It may be summer for the kids, but for their homeschooling mama there is always work to do. Because I am their teacher also, it means that I have work to do to prepare for the upcoming school year. Lesson planning. Curriculum planning. School calender planning. Classroom planning. School supplies planning. Planning, planning, planning! Good thing I love planning, or else I'd go crazy! I generally plan while the younger kids are down for their naps and the oldest kids are having quiet time, about three hours of uninterrupted time to myself each day. I guess people are right when they say a mother's work is never done.

7. Speaking of summer, on Friday the kids, Wren, and I will be disembarking on a two-week long road trip. My cousin has a wedding we are going to, so we thought why not drive and make a trip out of it. The kids are super excited and can't wait for the trip. We'll be hitting seven states, with about two days in each state. Not only does homeschooling involve a lot of planning, but so do road trips with large families. I've had to make a driving schedule, plan our hotels, make homemade snacks, pack for eight kids, and more. Wish us luck! I mean, woo, I can't wait!

Thursday, April 11, 2013

A Post About a Little Girl and Down Syndrome

As I have mentioned before my 1-year-old daughter, Arlet, has Down syndrome.

Before I proceed, yes my husband and I knew this before we adopted her and we would not trade her for the world. She is the happiest baby I know with a smile that can light up anyone's day and the biggest most beautiful brown eyes.

Each person with Down syndrome is different, but along with Down syndrome usually comes a variety of medical issues, both physically and mentally, that in-the-end affect each person developmentally.

One of the scariest health issues that comes along with this condition is heart problems. In fact, recent studies show that between 40-60% of children with Down syndrome have a variety of heart issues.

That is a lot of children.

Especially to a mother who worries every day for her little girl, hoping that she will grow up healthy and happy; with boundless and endless opportunities; with the ability to grow up and have a normal life, which includes a marriage a family; and that her syndrome never gets in the way of my baby's life.

And unfortunately, Arlet has a heart condition.

It is very small and minor, but to a mother it is anything but that; it is serious, scary, and stressful.

Luckily, it was caught early and Arlet is very young so she can recover quickly, but until my daughter has the operation to correct the issue and makes a full and healthy recovery, I will be a scared and a nervous wreck.

And yes, that is right, I said surgery. The s-word that no parent ever wants their child to experience. Even if it isn't as bad as it sounds.

So in exactly two weeks Wren and I will be driving our darling daughter to the hospital to have heart surgery. Arlet has a PDA (patent ductus arteriosus) which translates as a congenial heart disease that creates a dangerous connection between the aorta and the pulmonary artery in the heart. This needs to be corrected immediately to ensure 1) faster recovery and 2) as great health for our little girl as possible.

So we're preparing. We're preparing with doctors appointments, tons of prayer, hugs, family and friend support, and a lot more.

Because it's not easy.

And i'm scared. Very scared.

While I know the chance is miniscule that there will be complications, I cannot help but worry for my little girl because I love her so much. And that's what you do when you love someone, you worry.

And in the mean time, as usual, Arlet is happy and giggles and smiles as usual!

For some reason I have this feeling that she will go into the operating room in happy spirits full of glee with the biggest smile on her face.

That's my girl!

And I love her so much!

Sunday, April 7, 2013

A Marriage FAQ

April 17th marks nine years that Wren and I have been married. In honor of this celebratory date, I will be posting quite a few blog posts centered around our marriage and the love we share for each other. Next up: a marriage FAQ.
***
How did you meet your husband?
I met Wren by coincidence when I was 17-years-old and he was 20-years-old. He came to my house to collect a check from my father, but my father was running late from a business meeting so I kept him company. We got into talking and discovered we had a lot in common. When it was time for Wren to leave he left and we didn't stay in contact for a couple months. Then, four months later, he called me and asked me out. Turns out he left his phone number on the receipt my dad had and my dad thought I knew about it and didn't bring it up to me! I said yes and we went on our first date three days later, and about every three days after that for six months until Wren proposed! We were married six months later on April 17th, 2004 and it has been a true fairytale since the day I met my Prince Charming.

When you met him, did you have any idea that you would marry him?
I met Wren one day and didn't see him for three months after that, so yes I did feel an attraction to him but it quickly faded. Once he called me and asked me on a date, though, and I heard his voice on the phone I was reminded once again why I liked this man: there was something about him that made me feel special and happy. After our first date, Wren kissed my on the cheek and as he drove away, I knew I was in love with this man that he would one day be my husband. As cheesy as it may sound, it was definitely love at first sight for Wren and me. Whenever I was with Wren I didn't want to leave him and whenever I wasn't with him I couldn't wait to be with him again. And I remember after our first date telling my mom, "I just know it, Mom, this is the man i'm going to marry." Our love was that real and our connection was that instant.

On some level, you essentially "grew up" along side of your husband. What have been the challenges that accompany that? Benefits?
Wren and I met and began a life together when we were very young, so it is correct that we grew up and matured together. There were definitely some struggles we faced, especially when we married because we had to go from kids to adults overnight. Suddenly there were questions like how are we going to pay the bills? and how are we going to balance college, work, and our marriage? But the beauty of this is that I wasn't alone or Wren wasn't alone, we were going through our struggles together as a team, as husband and wife, as one. And these struggles only brought us closer because they tested our marriage, tested our faith, and tested our honesty; but our struggles never tested our love and commitment to one another, though. The benefits definitely include having a strong marriage (because of all the conflicts we went through in the beginning), maturing faster, having more memories and years spent together, and so much more.

When did you two move in together? When did you get engaged and married?
Wren and I were engaged after exactly six months of courtship and married on our one year anniversary. It was on our wedding night that we moved in together. Many people find two things strange about this: 1) that we married so soon AND 2) that we moved in together after marriage (not before). Firstly, we were young and in-love and knew that marriage was the best step for our relationship. Secondly, Wren and I are strong believers that certain things should be saved for marriage, and one of those things is waiting until marriage to share a bedroom. That is what marriage is designed for and it has made our marriage so much more special.

Did your family and friends ever encourage you to date other people or slow down your relationship?
No, fortunately both sides of our family have been very supportive of our relationship from the very beginning.  It is evident to them how in love we are in-love with each other and have done everything to encourage our courtship and help our marriage from the very beginning. Maybe it's because both of our parents married young, maybe not, but we're very lucky to have such supporting, encouraging parents.

Do you think you missed anything by not dating heaps of people?
What is there to miss? I am very lucky to have found my soul mate at a very young age; someone who is nice, smart, loving, etc.. Meeting Wren saved me from a lot: heartbreak, a bad relationship, an experience with a bad guy, and more. So did I miss anything? No, I don't believe so.

The vast majority of relationships that begin at 17 do not end in marriage- despite what we may believe when we are 16. What advice may you give somebody who is interested in a long term relationship with someone they started dating while they were young?
The first and biggest piece of advice is to never give up. I know couples who go from so in-love to absolutely hating each other, and they are frustrated and hopeless so they do not work on their marriage. But if you don't work on your marriage how can you fix it? Also, make your marriage a priority everyday. Don't put your relationship off to the side because you have kids or because you are too tired to spend time together. Wren and I do this by spending at least an hour of alone time every day together; and even though it usually happens once the kids go bed it is so special for our relationship. Sometimes i'll wait and eat dinner with Wren once he comes home from work and the kids are asleep; other times we'll stay up late and read in bed together; sometimes we'll watch a movie together, it just depends. Also, kiss your husband good morning and goodnight everyday, and never go to bed angry with each other.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Our Love Story (Part 1)

April 17th marks nine years that Wren and I have been married. In honor of this celebratory date, I will be posting quite a few blog posts centered around our marriage and the love we share for each other. First up: how we met.
***
 
Wren and I met in 2003 at my parent’s home in Provo, Utah. I was seventeen-years-old at the time, and was preparing to graduate from high school in the following weeks. On that very sunny day, Wren- who worked for his mother’s bookstore- came to collect money from my parents for a book my father bought at her store. My parents had gone out for lunch, which left me home alone for the afternoon. To make matters worse, Wren was a day early and neither of my parents had warned me he was coming ahead of schedule. At 1pm the door rang. I ran to answer it, not sure who it could be. It was Sunday, which meant all the mailmen and delivery men were off, and no one in my family ever bothered to knock, they just came on in. So imagine my surprise when I, dressed in my pink polk-a-dot flannels with messy hair, walked down stairs and opened the door to a very handsome man standing in the doorway. I was shocked, dumbfounded for that matter, at not only my appearance, but at the man that was standing at my doorstep. 
“Hello, I’m Wren Kingston… from Cozy Corner Books. I’m here to collect a check for a book bought by someone at this address,” said a 5’11 man, about my age, with curly, dark brown hair and green eyes in a very charming voice. Better yet, he had an English accent. I thought for sure I was seeing Prince Charming.

I invited him to come inside while I called my father to ask him about the check. Admittedly, while I was on the phone with him, I brushed my teeth and combed my hair- attempting to present myself a bit nicer. Then I went downstairs and brought him a glass of water. It was no doubt that he was hot from these late summer temperatures. “My dad forgot you were coming today. He’s sorry. He’s going to pay the bill at the restaurant he’s eating at right now, then head on over. He said you can wait here. It shouldn’t take more than twenty minutes,” I said. Please stay. Please stay, I thought to myself, Who are you? How haven’t I met you before?

To my wishes, he stayed. We got into talking while he sat and waited for my father. As it turns out, we had A LOT in common. We both come from medium/largish sized families (he has four brothers, I have four sisters), we are both Mormon (that’s a big “shocker” considering we lived in Provo), and we were both either done with high school or about to graduate. Wren, who had just returned from a 2-year mission in South Africa, had also gone to the same (very large) high school that I went to, but graduated two years before me. He said he’d heard of me, and even remembered me from the yearbook, and I was very sad I couldn’t say the same. It then came up that we were both single, but we quickly changed the conversation to something else.

Thirty minutes later, my dad arrived home, paid Wren, and then went to his office to work, unaware that I had just met the man of my dreams. I was a little bit sad that the one person who made my weekend interesting was leaving- especially because there was so much we had in common- but I quickly walked him to the door and said goodbye.

It wasn’t until he left that this wave of feeling had entered my body, telling me that this guy was special, and that I’d possibly want to see more of him. I thought about him for the rest of the day, smiling over the details of the day we shared, but questioning if I’d ever see him again. I wanted to call him, but decided not to make the first move. If Wren has any interest in me, he will make the first move, I thought to myself, secretly hoping that he would indeed make the first move.

But he didn’t. He never called. I was gloomy for the first couple of days after our first initial meeting, but quickly forgot about him and continued with life as normal. Then one day, that all changed. It was my sister's birthday, and everyone had gathered at my home to celebrate. We were eating cake and all sharing our favorite childhood memory we shared with my sister, when the phone rang… it was for me.

“Who is it”, I asked my older sister who had answered the phone.

“Well, well, well! It’s someone named Wren,” she said in a teasing voice, “Who is this Wren we have never heard anything about?” And then, right then, I knew asking her who was on the phone was a big mistake. Immediately all my family and friends gathered around the phone, teasing me and making jokes.

“Oh, it’s… it’s no one,” I said, “I’ll just take this call in my room!” I took the phone to my room, thank goodness for the invention of cordless phones, and nervously sat down on my bed. I know one Wren, I thought to myself, Please be who I think this who I think it is!

“Hello”, I said.

“Hi Laura, its Wren. Remember me? I came to your house to pick up a check about two months ago.” Yes, I thought to myself, it's him!

“Yes, I remember. Hi.”

“Well listen, I just wanted to know if you’d like to go on a date with me. I know you never called me back, but…”

“What do you mean”, I said in a concerned voice, “I never called you back because I never got a call from you.”

“I left my number on the receipt, and just wanted to make sure everything was okay. It seemed like we really had chemistry.”

“I thought so too. And I’m sorry, I never looked at the receipt after you left. I just sat it on my dad’s desk. But now that I have your number, I don’t have to worry about finding it.”

“Oh, that's okay. Well, what do you say? Monday night, 8 o’clock?” Oh, that voice! I had never cared about men with accents, but Wren's accent was sexy, manly, and sweet all rolled into one.

“That would be nice. I’ll see you then. Byeeee,” I said, trying to hide the fact that I was over-the-moon excited. After I got off the phone, I went to find my dad to ask him about the receipt, one that could have gotten me a date with Richard weeks ago.

“Dad,” I said, after finding him in our home library reading a book. “Did you happen to find a receipt with a phone number… about two months ago?”

“By a matter of fact, Laura, I did. It was from Cozy Corner Books.”

“Yes dad, well why didn’t you give it to me?”

As it turns out, he thought I already knew about the cellphone number on the receipt, and as the good dad that he is, he ignored it and had trust in the decision I was going to make. How could I get made at that?

For the next couple of days I anxiously anticipated our first date and could not wait until October 6th when I'd finally get to see Wren again.

Next up: our first date...

Saturday, March 30, 2013

An Update

Wow! I cannot believe it has been almost one month since Gabriella's birth. Times are flying and she is growing, growing, growing whether I like it or not... and trust me, I don't like it!

Gabriella is a great eater and wakes up every hour on the hour to eat… no joke! Her sisters and brothers love her and all they want to do is hold her, kiss her, and make her smile… though we all know she can’t even smile yet! Her personality has definitely been showing, even at a few weeks old! I think she’s going to have a bit of attitude and toughness in her, but also a girly side. She’s feisty and not very patient, and the girly side is just a guess... probably because I love dressing her in pink, frilly outfits!

Gabriella loves her new brothers and sisters, and they love her. Each child is adjusting well to their new sister and enjoy playing and helping with her. Speaking of the kids, here is an update about how each child is doing since Gabriella joined our family:

Maya, who has done the whole big sister thing six other times, is yet again a wonderful big sister, which comes to no surprise. She is always by my side, helping me with whatever is needed and tries to finish her schoolwork and other responsibilities early everyday so she can help feed, change, play, and watch Gabriella. And trust me, I love and use any help I can get!

This is probably the first time Amari and Kenyan have been so excited for a new baby. It's not that they weren't excited when Gianna, Ira, Elaina, or Arlet joined our family, but they were a lot younger then and didn't quite grasp the concept of a new baby. But now they do, and cannot get enough of their little sister. Amari and Kenyan are perfect for hugging, kissing, and holding Gabriella because they cannot get enough of her. Kenyan isn't into changing or feeding Gabriella, but he loves to play with her. Amari, on the other hand, loves to change and feed Gabriella, and actually prefers this to playing with her. Maybe because she cannot actually play yet.

Gianna is a great big sister and I can already tell that she is going to have a special bond and close relationship with Gabriella. She is already talking about sharing a bedroom with her little sister and what she is going to teach her when she is older. It melts my heart and is one of my favorite things about having a lot of children: my kids love each other so much!

Ira is also a wonderful and amazing big sister. She is still a little bummed that she didn't get a baby brother like she hoped, but still loves her sister just as much and is slowly warming up to Gabriella. There have been a few moments of jealousy, but that is to be expected. The cutest thing she has said since the birth of Gabriella is "Gabi, I am your big sister and I will always love you. I will buy you candy when you're older and sing you songs and read you stories." It was priceless!

Elaina, at two years old, has been the entertainer when it comes to Gabriella. As she is so young she isn't very interesting in caring for her sister  yet, but she loves to perform for her by singing and dancing. That is no surprise, though, considering Elaina's HUGE personality. I'm pretty sure I have a future actress on my hands! But there have been a few times of sisterly bonding between the two of them; like how Elaina insists on picking out her outfits every morning, or how she likes to (gently) comb through her baby sister's wild hair!

Last but not least, Little Miss A (Arlet) has done surprisingly well as a big sister. She doesn't mind sharing my attention and always wants to be in the same room as her baby sister. When Gabriella is crying, Arlet is the first one to get my attention and she leads me to whichever room Gabriella is in. She also loves to climb in her sister's crib and pretend she is the baby. I love seeing her as a big sister!

I am We are so in love with Gabriella. She has brought so much joy and happiness to our family and I cannot imagine life without her.

Wow, eight kids! How lucky am I?